Don't Get Your Tizzy in a Panties
by fyren galan
Summary: The Never-Ending Drabble Train just came to town. All aboard, kiddos. Slash, gen, het. Mostly Harry/male pairings.
1. Support Groups Aren't Very Supportive

Summary: Everyone knows Albus Dumbledore has issues. Not everyone knows he has issues with solving his issues. 100-word drabble.

Prompt: trust

Support Groups Aren't Very Supportive

"My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I'm obsessed with trusting people! It's a curse! I know that some people in this world are sleazy, bastardly scum, but I can't help but trust every person that comes to me with some stupid sob story."

"I need help!" he cried abruptly.

The group stared. A man rose timidly, and said hesitantly, "Um, sir? This is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. The meeting for How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is across the hall."

Dumbledore rose and strode out the door. This was what he got for trusting that bloody doorman for directions.


	2. Boy Who Lived In Love with Dark Lord!

_**The Boy-Who-Lived In Love with Dark Lord! **_

Harry giggled, and blushed furiously.

Hermione leaned over, and whispered, "What the hell is wrong with you? We're in the middle of an Order meeting! Try to look a little more grown-up, will you? A Saviour should be more mature."

Harry sighed dreamily, and said, "The Dark Lord winked at me."

Hermione scowled. "Damn it, Harry! You can't go around crushing on him. You have to kill him eventually! So stop with the dreamy-eyed teenager puppy love."

Harry pouted, and turned away from Hermione. He muttered, "Just because I have to kill him doesn't mean he didn't wink at me."


	3. Keep It Simple, Severus

**WARNING: **Harry/Severus Slash, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Not-So-Mild Fluff

Keep It Simple, Severus

"Let's make out!" Harry suggested.

Severus sneered. "Is that your solution to every problem I have?"

Harry blushed hotly, and retorted, "In case you haven't noticed, it works rather well each time!"

He turned away from Severus, crossed his arms, and tried really, really, _really_ hard not to start crying like a bloody girl. He mostly succeeded.

Severus's eyes softened. He walked to Harry, and wrapped him in a backwards hug. "Just because it's the same solution every time," he breathed into Harry's ear, "doesn't mean I don't like it every time."

Harry smiled, and relaxed against Severus's warm body.


	4. Severus Is a Madman

**WARNING: **Slight mention of teacher/student relationship (or lack of?), language, mention of sex, oblivious!Dumbledore

Severus Is a Madman

"I asked Miss Granger to marry me this afternoon," Severus said with out preamble.

"Splendid!" exclaimed Dumbledore. "Do you want a lemon drop?"

"She turned me down."

"Not splendid!" exclaimed Dumbledore. "Do you want a lemon drop?"

Severus turned around fully to look at the Headmaster. His eyes flashed angrily, and he somehow seemed to swell with his fury.

"I just asked the first bloody woman in the world that I ever truly considered worthy of my affections, the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to fuck into my desk every day and then think about instead of berating incompetent students to marry me. And she rejected me. So, I come to you, expecting comfort from one of the few people in this God-forsaken world that I actually trust. And you ask me if I want a bloody _lemon drop_?!"

Dumbledore shrunk into his chair, and decided he wouldn't offer Severus any more sweets. The man already had dangerous mood swings without adding sugar.

Highly unstable, he was.

Severus's following destruction of Albus's office had nothing to do with the Headmaster's complete and utter lack of tact. Of course not.

It was all because Severus was clearly a madman.


	5. The Curse Breaker's Earring

**WARNING: **slash (involving a ginger!), semi-voyeurism, sex, language, slight crack, rather bad innuendo.

The Curse Breaker's Earring

"Harry James Potter! What are you doing? You're supposed to marry my precious daughter! How could you have fornicated with my son?" Mrs. Weasley screamed at the young man wrapped around the body of one of her boys.

Harry opened one eye blearily, and winced against the shrewish assault. He replied sleepily, "'S got a sexy earring…"

Bill's hot breath caressed his ear, and Harry shivered.

Bill grinned wolfishly, and whispered, "So last night, the six or so times you yelled yourself hoarse with my name while I got you off. You only enjoyed it because you got to see my earring bounce up and down while I pounded into you?"

Harry suddenly flipped them over, and stared intently into Bill's eyes.

"Damn straight. But you know," Harry remarked suggestively, "that's not the only thing I'd like to see bouncing up and down."

Their respective eyebrow waggling lasted for about thirty seconds (a Weasley tradition of foreplay), and then Bill tried to "break a curse," so to speak. It being a multilayered curse naturally took several hours to break.

Mrs. Weasley's tirade on the general wrongness of Harry fucking her son was abruptly cut off by last night's underpants accidentally landing on her head.

Pity.

oOo

A/N: Sorry. Ever since I learned that Bill was a Curse Breaker, I've been wanting to write one of these. Don't be surprised if there's a "Dragon Handler" story in the future, either. :]


	6. Harry Has a Disney Moment

Harry Has a Disney Moment

"Consider this… your reward," Draco remarked suggestively.

"Your eternal reward!" Harry intoned mystically, and chortled.

Draco stared at him blankly.

Harry shook his head. "Muggle thing." He sighed. "You'd never understand."

Draco thought Muggles were insane. Abso-bloody-lutely barking mad.

oOo

A/N: That's what I want to do every time I see that quote in a sex scene. It's that line from Aladdin. Yes. I know. I'm a freak. But you love me anyway! :]


	7. Ken Likes Brad, Not Barbie

Ken Likes Brad, Not Barbie

"But Harry!" Ginny whined. "I don't understand why we're not working out! I mean, I'm perfect!"

Harry glared at her. "Obviously you're not perfect, 'cos you don't own a fricking penis!"

Ginny's mouth went slack.

And that was the end of the lovely Potter-Weasley dream couple.

May they rest in peace, and never come back to haunt the world again.


	8. Dear Severus

Dear Severus

"Do not marry because everyone expects you to," Snape said awkwardly. "Marry for love. Love makes the world go round."

Harry stared.

Snape flushed and turned away quickly. "Merlin, I cannot believe I said something as asinine as 'love makes the world go round.'"

Harry stared.

Flushing did interesting things to Snape's face. And to the tightening feeling in Harry's stomach.

Perhaps he could marry for love after all.

oOo

A/N: Title's like Dear Abby, 'cos he's giving advice.

OOH, I'm so clever! :]


	9. Crime and Punishment

Prompt: big hairy dog

**WARNING: **slash (obviously), language, death OMC (in a way), HPatOfP spoilers, could be considered chan

Crime and Punishment

Sirius didn't know when he first started liking Harry. As a person, as himself, not just as James's son.

He suspected it was when he snuck in to the Hogwarts grounds, to watch Harry's first Triwizard task. He suffered through some stupid blonde girl, some stupid Bulgarian, a goddamned Hufflepuff, and about thirty thousand fangirls petting his 'pretty luscious manly silky mane.'

He caught his breath as Harry finally walked out, and stood in front of a dragon easily fifty times his size, looking vulnerable and determined. Sirius found himself wondering if Harry would die before he even tried to steal the egg.

And then, Harry Summoned his broom, and leaped on it, and Sirius caught his breath for a different reason.

Wheeling up high in the sky, Harry was a hawk. Swooping down in unbelievable dives, looping in circles around a constantly lashing dragon's tail which should have caught him, but never did. Harry's face slack with fierce joy and triumph. Sirius decided that any creature who could be that wild and free was worth knowing for their own merits, not for the glory of their forefathers.

And as Harry was caught up by a riotous crowd of backclappers and adoring girls, Sirius pushed his way through the masses. He nudged Harry's hand with his shaggy head. Harry's eyes lit up with a different kind of joy, and Sirius couldn't help but feel a coil of _something_ spring up in his stomach. He tried to ignore it as Harry knelt down and wrapped his arms tightly around the large black dog.

But that something went away as easily as the happiness in Harry's face when Sirius licked him.

Which is to say: it intensified.

oOo

Sirius did know, however, when he first started loving Harry.

At the Department of Mysteries, about a year and a half later.

Harry was throwing spells and ducking curses, laughing with reckless abandon. Sirius caught his breath once again.

Harry looked so… beautiful.

Sirius felt a curse hit his chest, and he fell backwards, drowning in wide green eyes.

oOo

Sirius placed his hand gently on the Veil. He was sure the pain in Harry's gaze was reflected in his own. Harry reached up to put his hand about an inch away from the Veil. If Sirius looked at their hands the right way, it appeared they were touching.

As Harry's twisting form was wrenched away from the Veil, he stretched out his hand, still trying to reach Sirius.

Sirius had read somewhere that not even Death could stop true love. Well, some bloody piece of supernatural fabric certainly wasn't going to.

He vowed that someday he and Harry would be together again, and no fucking Dark Lord or Headmaster or Veil would stop them.

After all, dogs were notoriously obstinate.


	10. Silence

A/N: This is an outtake from my drabble collection 'Empathica.' I love it dearly, but it's in the wrong time frame for the story.

**WARNING: **mention of suicide, extortion, and a very sad Draco. I feel quite sorry for him. Give him hugs!

Silence

Really, it was all he had left.

He had no family. His father's corpse was probably on the ocean floor, thrown there by brutish guards who never stopped to think that this was once a man who was revered as the head of house, whose wife adored him, whose son respected him. His mother's body was lying encased in her glass tomb, her hands still clutched around the dagger that took her life, the dagger the house elves could not remove from her grasp even after she was ensnared by the claws of death.

He had no money. Obviously, a seventeen-year-old ex-Death Eater had no need of his family funds, so the Ministry would kindly take that burden of off his hands. He was welcome; there was no call for thanks.

He had no home. Again, one teenager clearly wouldn't want to live in a huge Manor by himself, no matter if it was his ancestral home. The Ministry was relieving his troubles left and right.

He had no prospects. What person in their right mind would hire a former follower of Voldemort? Oh yes, there was talk of rehabilitation of 'undesirables' back into proper Wizarding society, but there was always talk. Always talk, and never action.

He had no friends. Not that he had many to begin with, but now he was even lacking in lackeys. No one wanted to be steeped in his reputation now. Everyone knew the Malfoys would never rise to any level of prestige again. He was an outcast, a reminder to the rest of his House that anyone can fall off a high hippogriff. So they mocked him openly, trying to show the Light that they, too, despised a Malfoy.

He had no insults. Every time a Weasley sneered at him, he bit back a scathing retort. He had to remind himself to not insult his betters. After all, as Weasel told him at least once a day, Ginger Blood-Traitors were now richer than he was. And every time he saw Granger, he would get flashbacks of her suffering bravely under the _Cruciatus_, not making a sound until the very end. He was certain he would've passed out after five seconds from his aunt. She would meet his gaze in challenge, ready to meet him with both feet planted firmly on the ground, and he would bite back a scream in his throat and lower his eyes.

Silence was his only companion. There was nothing else for him to claim.


	11. The Dragon Handler

**WARNING: Harry/Charlie slash, smexy men kissing!, my lame humour. **

The Dragon Handler

Charlie sighed and raked his hand through his hair. "I honestly don't know what you want me to say, Harry. Last night was great, yes, but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. At the same time, last night was… well, you know. You were there. What do you want, Harry? A one night stand? Or more?"

Harry shifted onto his side, and let the sheet strategically fall past his waist. He grinned, and replied, "No, I don't just want a one-off. Maybe a couple… Let's call it a several-off, shall we?"

Charlie's eyes immediately went to the lack of sheet, and he leered. "I like that idea. Perhaps we could initiate that several-off of yours right now, hmm?"

Harry's gaze darkened with lust, and he pulled Charlie down into a forceful kiss.

Outside the tent, a dragon roared.

FIN.

A/N: So that last line was completely random, but I had to throw something about dragons in there! No fic with Charlie in it is complete until the dragon arrives. :]


	12. In Which I Kick Harry Potter in the Face

In Which I Kick Harry Potter in the Face 

Malfoy glanced up. "What was that?" he asked sharply.

Crabbe said dully, "What?"

Malfoy shook his head. "Sorry, I thought I saw a shoe. Or a small piece of fish."

Harry giggled.

His invisibility cloak was whipped off faster than Viktor Krum doing a Wronski Feint.

Draco Malfoy purred into his suddenly Petrified ear, "Why, _hello_, Potter. So nice of you to join us."

Harry stared into vicious grey eyes.

Oh, shite.

oOo

A/N: I'm on a Draco and the Malfoys kick. Sorry.

_No, it was a shoe that my two eyes did see _

_Under a cloak of invisibility _


	13. Daring Adventure

For metacognitive, who wanted this for IWWB. Different drabble set, sorry. ^-^

_Prompt: Luna/Ginny– "explorers" _

**Warning: femmeslash **

Daring Adventure

"I like this one," she said cheerfully, swinging around to see the robe at all angles. "Gives me more of a defined waistline."

Luna dangled her legs off the chair, and answered absentmindedly, "That's not hard. You haven't got much of an hourglass figure, Ginny."

Ginny flushed and spun around to face Luna angrily. "Well, pardon me!" she cried. "It seems to me that you don't have much room to talk, with the way you're all skin and bones."

She crossed her arms over her (admittedly small) chest and huffed irately. Luna calmly reached out and snagged one of the robe's ties, unhurriedly drawing the protesting redhead to her. She wrapped her arms around Ginny, and stroked her back soothingly. "You don't need to have a more defined waistline, Ginny. You're beautiful just the way you are."

Ginny relaxed slightly, and rested her head upon Luna's shoulder. She muttered awkwardly, "I know I'm scrawny and angular. You don't have to say that. You're the one that's beautiful; you're all slender and angelic-looking."

Luna grinned. "Angelic-looking, am I?" She quickly brought her hands to the front of Ginny's robe, and began unbuttoning and untying various parts of it. She gently closed her teeth on Ginny's pale neck, then laved at the bite with her tongue.

Ginny gasped, and clutched at Luna's blouse. "What– what are you _doing!_"

Luna cupped a breast in her hand, and replied happily, "Exploring."

oOo

A/N: And there I stop, for your mind is far too innocent for me to corrupt it. –smirks- Love you, Lili! :]


End file.
